santa newt is coming to town

[sciencesaggressively]

Newt has discovered that he hates shopping for babies.

It's the looks that get him, the looks and the pointing from expectant mothers and their friends who think he can't hear or see them, who are all smiling and whispering conspiratorially about how sweet it is that he's shopping for his little girl, and Newt kind of just wants to rip all his hair out so he can throw it at these women because he so wouldn't be here if he didn't have to be.

He blames Texas Ranger. Yeah, he totally blames Texas Ranger because if Sawyer hadn't had his kid dropped on his doorstep, Newt wouldn't have to be shopping for her stupidly cute little self, thus avoiding the exact kind of attention he doesn't want. Actually, if he's being honest, he maybe doesn't mind it as much as he'll definitely say he does to anyone who asks. He's got a shopping cart full of clothes for Clementine, like this snowsuit with the little ears on the hood and that super badass Batman costume that she'll definitely be thanking her Uncle Newt for one day.

He's never wanted kids, still doesn't want kids, is perfectly happy with his and Kate's decision not to have kids, but it turns out that dealing with his friends' kids isn't so bad. He thinks that's mostly because he can hand them back at the end of the day but whatever, it's fine, Newt thinks that's totally fair. In the end, he leaves the mall with nine new outfits for Clementine, three pairs of shoes, a super soft plush dinosaur that he's thinking of just keeping for himself, and a sweet leather jacket that's warm enough for the winter for Sawyer. It doesn't take that long to haul all his bounty back to Dimera, heading straight for the second floor and knocking on the door.

It's Christmastime, Newt's second in Darrow, and he's glad to share in it when he remembers that for a long, long time, the holidays had stopped being on people's radar. It's hard to think about gift giving when any day could bring more death and destruction to the world, he supposes, but he's here now. He's here, he's married, he's happy, and he's ready to spread a little bit of Christmas fucking cheer.

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[sciencesaggressively]

One thing Newt's learned since landing his ass in Darrow is that it doesn't matter how big the shit anyone's seen is, it still seems like nearly everyone who's ended up here has been fucked up in some way or another. He knows Kate's been through some heavy stuff on that island she'd been on before she'd woken up here but even back in Kansas, her life hadn't exactly been easy. It hadn't been simple, it hadn't even been all that desirable, but the point is that they've helped each other get past the only things they've ever known. It's not like Newt's exactly glad that he lives in a city he can't even leave, that he'd been brought here against his will, but in a lot of ways, the people he's met since coming here have made him better.

He wouldn't have cared a year and a half ago. He'd have been too busy trying to figure out how the kaiju tick to give a damn about taking the time to get to know anyone or making sure that the person he loves knows for sure every single day that he loves her or just sitting on the floor of a friend's apartment so he can play with his baby daughter. None of that would have mattered to him at all, the kaiju attacks had been tragic but fascinating because there hadn't even really been any close enough to him to worry about, and that's what the truth comes down to in the end. His closest friend had been his lab partner and sometimes, Newt hadn't even been convinced that they really liked each other all that much.

"I didn't know that stuff," Newt mumbles, eyes fixed on the floor. Clementine's gone quiet, like she can sense that there's some kind of tension, and he forces himself to look up at her and smile because he's pretty sure that as much as he wouldn't want to have one, babies are way more in tune with the world than adults give them credit for. What he'd thought before is true, they're all fucked up, and it's all they can really do to keep the innocent ones from suffering the same fate.

"Sometimes it's just like, what if Kate's the one who'd gone outside and not me, y'know? Or anyone else who'd been at the bar that night, what if it'd been one of them and they weren't as lucky as me?" Maybe lucky isn't quite the right word but he's here, he's breathing, he's freakin' alive when maybe he shouldn't be because he's pretty sure he's used up most of his lives by now. "But I guess there's no use thinking that way. I used to get kind of freaked by the idea of waking up to her just gone, just like, disappeared from the city but that's no way to live. We just have to make the most of what we have while we have it, right?"

[confidenceman]

Sawyer waves his hand dismissively when Newt points out that he had never known that part of Sawyer's past. He's not here to make Newt feel miserable. He's not here to make Newt feel sorry for him, because pity doesn't help — if anything, it just makes things worse, like filling a room with the water that'll eventually drown them. Pity is heavy. Pity piles up in its weight. All that Sawyer wants is the ability for them to have some common ground between their lives, otherwise as different as night and day.

The one commonality all people have is finding out, at some point in their lives, that life sucks.

"I ain't tryin' to get you down by mentioning all of that. It is... what it is," Sawyer concludes with a sigh. Some parts of his history are easier to swallow than others. Some things, he knows he couldn't have changed the course of. Others, he still feels responsible for. But maybe that's a conversation for a different day. "Anyway, you hit it on the head. Can't go 'round assuming that everything's gonna turn out the worst possible way, otherwise it all turns into a damn self-fulfilling prophecy. You'll stop yourself from livin' life out as much as you can. The way I figure, some stuff... some stuff we're a hell of a lot luckier about already than most people in the world. And I say that even though I ain't much of a glass half full person."

After staring for a few seconds, Clementine smiles again, forgoing her newly acquired skill of walking and choosing instead to crawl over to Newt, climbing onto his lap as well as she can.