Dr. Newton Geiszler (
sciencesaggressively) wrote2017-02-20 08:42 pm
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Entry tags:
crenTISTS
Today's the day. It's a big day, one Newt had cleared his schedule for because the last time he'd done something like this, the Crentists had fucked him up--and on his goddamn birthday, no less. Admittedly, that'd been poor planning on his part, which is why he'd totally be more conscientious about it this time around. Besides, he's pretty sure Chuck might try to kill him in a laughing gas-induced rage if Newt took him out in public after the fuckery they're about to endure.
Had he properly warned his best friend about the Crentists? About those frosty-tipped sons of bitches who are kind of creepy, kind of hilarious, neither of which Newt would really consider a good thing?
Nah.
In the end, they'd gotten the job done right, and Newt hasn't had problems with his teeth at all since his last visit. Granted, he's pretty sure getting gassed up isn't standard for a dental checkup, but he's also not a dentist so whatever. The objective of this visit is to get Chuck's tooth fixed, get Newt a checkup, and get the hell out of dodge. At least, they'll get out of dodge once Kate swings by to pick them up because if there's one thing Newt's sure of, it's that he and Chuck aren't leaving this office unscathed.
Had he properly warned his best friend about the Crentists? About those frosty-tipped sons of bitches who are kind of creepy, kind of hilarious, neither of which Newt would really consider a good thing?
Nah.
In the end, they'd gotten the job done right, and Newt hasn't had problems with his teeth at all since his last visit. Granted, he's pretty sure getting gassed up isn't standard for a dental checkup, but he's also not a dentist so whatever. The objective of this visit is to get Chuck's tooth fixed, get Newt a checkup, and get the hell out of dodge. At least, they'll get out of dodge once Kate swings by to pick them up because if there's one thing Newt's sure of, it's that he and Chuck aren't leaving this office unscathed.
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It's too late to back out now, though, and for all he knows, he's making too much out of nothing, finding a way to shift the blame when it is probably his own fault he's in this position in the first place. Trying to explain that isn't something he's looking forward to, either. For now, though, sitting and waiting, he turns towards Newt, trademark scowl in place. "If they wind up robbing me blind," he says, "you're paying me back for it."
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They'd taken care of him alright, yeah, and maybe he hadn't been entirely truthful about what that really means; but the Crentists hadn't robbed him, at least. Not that he knows of, anyway, it's not like he'd been in the state of mind to count the cash he'd walked in with on his way back out. Now that Chuck brings it up, Newt thinks he'll do exactly that this time around. That one Crentist who clearly hadn't lived up to Daddy Crentist's expectations and ended up as the receptionist definitely does strike Newt as a little shifty.
"And fine, if they rob you, blame it on me," Newt says, sighing dramatically. "It's not like I don't have a bunch of mouths to feed at home."
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"Then go be like, a mechanic or something. Teach punching classes, those are things that exist, right? Self-defense, yeah, Allison tried to make me go to a few of those after-- y'know, back when." It's a double sting, the mention of Allison and the thinly veiled reference to his stabbing, but it doesn't hurt like it used to and it's a poor time to be grateful for that but he is all the same.
"Or," he continues, smirking in his friend's direction, "maybe you could just ask to join Team Crentist one day. Chuck Crentist has an okay ring to it."
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If his voice maybe raises just the slightest bit, he has every intention of denying it. "What I'd have to do to my hair alone, it wouldn't be worth it."
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At least, Newt's pretty sure the guy's a Crentist. His memory is still fuzzy from all the laughing gas last time, but the hair is a pretty good sign.
"Hi, I'm Geoff," the guy says, holding up two identical clipboards. "I'll be assisting on the procedures today but first, I'm going to need you guys to fill these forms out. You've both got insurance, right? Ha, I'm kidding. We take anyone. I'm serious, please tell everyone you know to come here."
Newt blinks, trying to keep his expression neutral when all he wants to do is see what kind of look Chuck is pulling right now. Instead, he nods, reaching out to take one of the clipboards. "Yeah, man, totally. I've actually been here before, brought my friend in today."
"Oh, that's great, a repeat customer! Dad will be so glad to hear that. Oh, sorry, Doctor Crentist, ha. That could be one of my brothers, too, though, haha. We're a family business."
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A dentist with frosted tips can't be any worse than a fucking kaiju.
"Yeah, I think we've figured that out already," Chuck says dryly, nodding towards a large, framed photograph on the wall of the Crentist family standing outside the office, a Grand Reopening! banner hung in the background. "Kinda hard to miss."
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Or maybe not, because Geoff turns to follow Chuck's gaze at the photo and nods with a little too much vigor. "Oh, yeah, I guess that's true! That was a great day, our third Grand Reopening!" Geoff's eyes widen a bit and he holds is hands up in front of him like he's ready to placate them. "Oh, don't worry, nothing was really wrong. It's just that one time, we got hit with those ice bees, right? And then there was the other New Year's Eve where all the animals went wild, I'll tell you what, you've never seen wild geese until you've seen what I did in here that night!"
For fuck's sake.
"Mmkay," Newt says, shifting from one foot to the other. He's already got a scar on one side of his stomach, he really does need a matching one from getting shanked by his angry best friend. "Maybe just like, we do our thing with the paperwork, you do your thing with the... whatever it is you do? Sound cool?"
"Totally cool," Geoff answers, and he's nodding again like his life depends on it. Newt wonders if he's ever given himself whiplash. "I'll just be right over there if you need me!"
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Then he'd still have a chipped tooth, though, and therein lies the problem. There are other dentists, ones without frosted tips who are probably a little less terrifying, not to mention infuriating, but he has no way of knowing that. If he picked some random place he passed on the street, it could turn out to be even worse, and then he'd be stuck repeating this whole damn cycle.
Still, because all of this has him more frustrated than not, and because he can't resist the impulse to be kind of an asshole about it, he turns to Newt and stage whispers, just loudly enough that he's sure he'll be heard by whatever Crentists happen to be nearby, "Think it's too late to make a run for it?"
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"I'm kind of afraid they'll hunt us down with their dentist tools if we try," Newt answers, taking care to keep his voice a little lower than Chuck's. "Y'know, Kate and I went to this timeshare thing, and I'm pretty sure they were cannibals. No telling how many of them there are in the city. I mean, can we ever know for sure what dentists do with all the teeth they take?"
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He hopes.
"I don't know how you get into half the shit you get into," he says, shaking his head. "Timeshares run by cannibals? Seriously? As part of, what, some cannibalistic plan?"
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To be fair, Newt doesn't think the timeshare people had actually been cannibals, it's just that they'd looked so shady. Those too white and too straight teeth will haunt his dreams for years to come, that's all he knows for sure, and he really can't remember how they'd landed on the cannibal thing in the first place but whatever. Those details aren't even important.
"You should come with us next time," Newt suggests, finishing his forms and signing his name before setting the clipboard down on the table in front of them. "I clearly recommend the best places, am I right?"
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if anyone could stumble upon some strange sort of gathering of cannibals, it would be Newt. He is entirely too good at finding trouble, and dubious places of business.
Glancing around the waiting room, he nods once to himself. This definitely counts as a dubious place of business.
"So, yeah, thanks but no thanks, I'll steer clear of the cannibalism. Don't want to wind up getting myself eaten, especially not if I'm going to put myself through this hell. What's the point otherwise?"
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Even if they'd been right, what's done is done. They're not cannibal fodder so whatever, everything's totally fine. Except for the victims, if there are any. R.I.P. them and hopefully, they hadn't been in the bacon.
"Anyway, suit yourself, I just thought free breakfast was the kind of allure everyone could appreciate."
The Crentist receptionist comes back toward them then, smiling way bigger than Newt's comfortable with, though he has to admit the guy's got a great set of teeth. "Okay! We're ready for you, Mr. Hansen, fixing up a chipped tooth today? And you're comin' right up, Mr. Geiszler, don't worry, we've got the gas all ready for you! Ha ha. Just kidding, it's just a tooth cleaning for you. But you can have the gas if you want it."
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Eyeing whichever frosty-haired Crentist is in front of them now with some measure of skepticism, mouth pressed into a thin line, Chuck says, "None of that gas for me, got it?" He vaguely recalls seeing Newt loopy as all fuck once upon a time, and he however much he may enjoy a good, strong drink or several, he isn't looking to meet the same fate himself. A chipped tooth isn't the worst pain he's ever had, and neither will fixing it up be. "Not even a little bit."