"Man, thank you so much," Coop said, reaching to take the phone and punch a few buttons just to give it a test run. Everything lit up and, when Coop touched a few buttons, they responded immediately. It was like he'd never actually almost broken his phone.

"My hero," Coop said, mock swooning and holding the phone close to his heart. Now I want have to go out into public and face the shame that comes from breaking your own phone after a night of drunken shenanigans. You've saved me from the land of salespeople and spending money I don't have."

Next time he decided to drink to excess, he was going to lock his phone in a cabinet or something to make sure this did not happen again.